{ win it or learn it! }

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Hi friends!

I have been learning so much about myself lately! I’m so sensitive to every experience I’m encountering and all I can do is ask why? Why now? How much have I missed?

Lately, every situation I’m in I take a moment to self-reflect and all I’m wondering is why is this happening to me now? How many life lessons did I miss? Example… if you follow me on my social media platforms (@afancyaffair) you know I recently came back from a week long trip with my badass girl gang and we had a hella of a time, but there was a lot of aha moments. There was one particular day and time that I was so overwhelmed with all these emotions that I just had to stop, take a deep breath and talk to God. I then glanced over my friends and realized that we were all feeling the same way. Overwhelmed by the beauty of Portugal and yet feeling so grateful, thankful and appreciative. We shared our thoughts as we sipped on some delicious port, prayed together, cried, laughed and thanked each other for the opportunity.

{This was that very moment.}

At this very momemt I felt this immense feeling of thankfulness and God’s peace. At this very moment I felt this overwelming feeling of happiness and completion. I knew that the hardest days of this season I’m in were over. I shared with my friends then and there that sometimes we are in a situation where we feel so much pain and we get so consumed by our feelings and surroundings that we literally feel that this is it. My life sucks, this sucks and it won’t get better. I thankfully don’t suffer from depression and or thoughts of suicide, but it doesn’t mean that thoughts of such feelings don’t cross my mind. Those feelings of pain and hurt become so raw and real that I feel like this is it, this is my life and it will always be this one. But looking back at it, I conquered those awful days and sitting on that boat and looking up and seeing the beauty the world has to offer, I then realized that I can’t let those bad days consume me so much that I think that’s going to be my life forever. Happiness will come, the end of the tunnel will appear and better days are ahead. That’s just a season and with time, with help, with guidance, you get through it. It will pass and you will find joy and happiness again!

A few nights ago, I was listening to Brene Brown and her TED speech about “The Power of Vulnerability” (I highly recommend you to press play and get listening, it’s amazing!) and wow, I went to sleep with the thoughts of geez, I have a lot of work to do and I will leave that there. But the main point in my thoughts today are, why am I so sensitive to learning about myself so much right now, in this very moment. I used to watch and listen to TED speeches all the time and probably even heard this one and it never impacted me as much as it did this time around. And why not? Have I been living life in such a rush that I stopped self-searching?

To make myself feel a little better, I once heard someone say that in life we only hear the things we want to hear. We could be in the middle of time square and I can drop a penny and you could hear it hit the floor if I told you I was going to drop it. However, how many times have you been in the middle of time square and heard a penny drop?

Anyway, I’m sharing this because it’s currently where I’m at. I set two major personal goals for myself this year, first one was to be more intentional. I want to ensure that everyone I meet, and every conversation I’m in, there’s a reason, a purpose and something I could take from it. The second goal was to be more assertive. At times I don’t speak up and if I do its not assertive enough. I don’t really say yes or no because I self-doubt, because I don’t want to be confrontational and this is the hardest goal for me. I’m struggling on this one, but I still have half a year to continue to practice. Last week I had an issue at work and because I lacked being assertive, there was a major consequence and so I went home and beat myself for it. But now I’m looking back at it and realized that either I win or learn from you.

Am I alone on this or is this a 30 thing?

a fancy affair, amanda tur signature, a fancy affair blog, heart of gold

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